Thank you, Thank you, Thank you !!!

This is probably the hardest post to write. My heart is heavy as is my body with pain. No, not 24 hrs a day, but certainly daily. I understand now why in some countries black is worn when someone you love dies. It shows the world that you are indeed "fragile", and to handle with care. I wish our country understood grief better. I am learning about it myself.  I understand the difficulty of dealing with someone who has lost a large part of their life. What do you say? What do you do? How do you help? I'm not going to go into all the ways you can help because so many of you have supported our family in such a loving and giving ways. For that, I say, thank you. It feels good physically when I have been given a gift from you because you took the time to send it. It makes me feel cared and thought about, especially See's nuts and chews!

I WANT Keith back, I WANT my old life back. I thought the last 6 years, especially 3 years were the hardest and maybe it is good my mind protected me from knowing what losing Keith would feel like, because having him gone is even harder. I know I have to go through the grief.  Some days feel like if it gets any harder, how will I make it. Can't I just skip this part? Yet only with my heavenly father's grace, care and love along with your prayers will we all survive. I pray that we not just survive but that our family will also thrive and move towards what the Lord has planned for us.

Our family has lived with so much heaviness through this lengthy disease. One of the ways for us to heal is to take a fun trip together. Keith and I had wanted to take all of us to Disneyland but were unable to because of his MSA dx. So, in faith, I put a deposit on a trip to Disneyland this June. We need to laugh together and this will be a way to lighten the burden that all of us including the children have been carrying. I'm trusting the Lord for the rest. We are in HIS loving hands.

Please continue praying. It was so wonderful seeing so many of you at Keith's memorial.

Love in Christ's name,

Pam











family to heal

Keith's Obituary

My dad's obituary was in the Everett Herald today.


Click here to read the obituary.

Memorial Service

Keith passed away peacefully in his home on Tuesday afternoon.

The Memorial Service will be:

Saturday, February 23rd at 5pm.
New Life Church in Everett.
6830 Highland Dr.
Everett, WA 98203

Cards can be sent to my mom at the following address:

Pam Johnson
7305 E Heather Way
Everett, WA 98203

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As we near Keith's birthday, Jan. 25th, I hardly know what to say. It is 2am, I can't sleep. We had to call the Hospice nurse to come and change his catheter because he was in pain. She must have just finished as I hear that he is now a "happy" camper. Of course the morphine didn't hurt either! We are so grateful with our hospice team. The few hrs a week they are here are wonderful, but as our pastor pointed out, there are still a lot of hrs of care left in the day. We have some "respite" coverage but Keith has gone through about 5 so far that haven't worked out. This week in fact, we thought we had found the perfect fit only to be told by the agency that she could not come again as the care needed for Keith was too difficult. I thanked them for their honestly and it verified to me that what I am doing is hard! They asked me to please try to let them help again. Trouble with that is that I spend the first time with each one training them as to Keith's care so I don't get a break and it is too hard on Keith to have a new person each time. So we are praying for the "right" fit.

Thankfully, our family and friends have stepped up. Because his care is so hard, I can no longer  do it both at night and during the day. So, about 8 wonderful male family and friends have come over from about 8pm to 8am and care for Keith so I can get some sleep. To see these men giving of their time and sleep to care for Keith is such a blessing. If it were not so private and special, I would take a picture of what I find in the morning. I open the door to the bedroom without turning the light on because I don't know if he is awake. I give him a silent wave and if he is awake, he waves back. It's pretty sweet. Then I look over and usually see the guy on for the night, crashed out on our too small single bed. It's a wonderful scene =)  Kristi is the only "girl" allowed. She was the first one to volunteer. =) and wants to help take care of her dad. I am so proud of Clint and Kristi. It hasn't been easy for them as you can imagine. 

Keith's cousin, Doug, from Colorado flew into Sea-Tac and visited us for a few hrs and flew back that night. I just think that is the "coolest" thing. We laughed as he and Keith shared fun stories from their youthful days out at the cabin. He even wants to be on the 8pm to 8am crew and meant it! 

Our family and friends are amazing. We thank you all. =)

Well, the nurse is gone, Keith is in good hands with his buddy Ernie. 

Goodnight.

Christmas Fun!

Check out some fun Christmas pictures of the family! :)

Christmas Pictures

Keith

I titled it "Keith" because he is still here. Just living day by day is getting more and more difficult as you can imagine. Actually, most of you can't imagine it as I hardly can. I thought I knew what the caregiver went through because I watched my mom care for my dad at home for six years. But as much as I remember trying to help, I did more watching than helping. That's because you can't help as much as is needed for the 24 hr caregiver. Believe me, I have several family and friends who are trying and I thank you for that. Praying for strength and wisdom is my desire from you.

Now, back to Keith. While he needs help getting dressed, blowing his nose and many other small things  MSA is robbing him of, he can eat, enjoy music, watch tv, and play Farkel . And this point leads me to the title. Keith is here mentally and would love to play a game of Farkel with you. Like I have said, this is a fun way to be with Keith though he does like to win. If he loses he may want to play up to 3 games. It depends on how weak he is at the time. Or if you want to watch part of a football game, that works. I know I have limited time in the past for company, but now it is different. It is time to say your goodbyes. We believe this will be his last Christmas. Though the Hospice team concede they are not God, they are helping us see what Keith and I already feel.

I am sorry to deliver this sad news, but I want you to know.

Have a wonderful and blessed Christmas,

Love,

Pam and Keith