I feel so alone but I am not. Family, friends and new acquaintances come and go in this beautiful home several times a day. The disease's progression has caused all of us to react in non normal ways. Many times they don't even say "hello" to Keith. I understand because I do the same thing. His voice is so quiet that unless you are face to face, you won't be able to hear him. I am always saying "what?" because I have my back to him either preparing a meal or cleaning up one or just "doing." And it is not only us but Keith who acts different. We have begun to notice him retreating to be alone often even around family. I feel bad when this happens, but I understand that this is a natural part of his dying experience. I was explaining this to Clint and he laughed and said he was wondering why the other day when he was here watching football with him, he just started up his power chair and left! We all know that Keith loves being with Clint and Kristi.
We are both trying to keep it together having to have such a sedentary life. You would think a life like that would be heaven, but it is difficult. It's one thing to be under your own rules and rest when you choose, it is another to be at the call of MSA.
I am definitely NOT alone. Our church is providing meals. I love it! Keith and I are loved by so many of you and we thank you for that. We can feel your love.
I have been kind of "loopey" I put the sugar in the microwave and handed Keith the banana instead of the tv control. Things like that when I get tired. Sort of a comic relief =)
What actually led me to think I am alone is my lack of being or "abiding" with the Lord. When I don't have devotions daily or they get shorten it often causes my brain to go directions that are not healthy or helpful. Because in my quiet times with the Lord is where I get my strength, wisdom and more to go on. My devotions often get interrupted by MSA needs, too numerous to name.
So, my request from you our family and friends, is to pray that I can be in communication with my heavenly father. Because without wisdom from above, Keith and I will not make it through this journey. In the end, we want to know that we have done the Lord's will in our lives.
Blessings and more pictures soon!
Pam and Keith =)
