This is probably the hardest post to write. My heart is heavy as is my body with pain. No, not 24 hrs a day, but certainly daily. I understand now why in some countries black is worn when someone you love dies. It shows the world that you are indeed "fragile", and to handle with care. I wish our country understood grief better. I am learning about it myself. I understand the difficulty of dealing with someone who has lost a large part of their life. What do you say? What do you do? How do you help? I'm not going to go into all the ways you can help because so many of you have supported our family in such a loving and giving ways. For that, I say, thank you. It feels good physically when I have been given a gift from you because you took the time to send it. It makes me feel cared and thought about, especially See's nuts and chews!
I WANT Keith back, I WANT my old life back. I thought the last 6 years, especially 3 years were the hardest and maybe it is good my mind protected me from knowing what losing Keith would feel like, because having him gone is even harder. I know I have to go through the grief. Some days feel like if it gets any harder, how will I make it. Can't I just skip this part? Yet only with my heavenly father's grace, care and love along with your prayers will we all survive. I pray that we not just survive but that our family will also thrive and move towards what the Lord has planned for us.
Our family has lived with so much heaviness through this lengthy disease. One of the ways for us to heal is to take a fun trip together. Keith and I had wanted to take all of us to Disneyland but were unable to because of his MSA dx. So, in faith, I put a deposit on a trip to Disneyland this June. We need to laugh together and this will be a way to lighten the burden that all of us including the children have been carrying. I'm trusting the Lord for the rest. We are in HIS loving hands.
Please continue praying. It was so wonderful seeing so many of you at Keith's memorial.
Love in Christ's name,
Pam
family to heal
