I'm here. Just pondering. I guess the visit with my friend who's husband took his life using the Death with Dignity law got to me more than I thought. It was eerie sitting there eating lunch without him. Yet it was so peaceful at the same time. I don't know how to explain it. She is one of the nicest people I know. She is exhausted emotionally and physically. Still, she is holding the family together in a way as to honor their dad and her husband. Mounds of paperwork she told me and the ache she feels when she turns to her husband to share the latest about the kids, or other such happening, is terrible. She runs. It is something they did together throughout their lives until MSA stopped that.
What am I wanting? It seems rather selfish. I should stop right now.
Everyday is a gift.
ReplyDelete2nd attempt. My first comment attempt was so right on, maybe I forgot something and that's why it didn't post. The thing is, is that we can only try to understand all of what you are going through. The main thing is LOVE. God's love for you, the love that we all have for you. God's love is perfect and unchanging. Rest in that love and know that we are here for you in any way possible. Please let me know how I can help, if in fact I can.
ReplyDeleteHi Keith, Jan here. I went through a long illness when I was in my late 20's & early 30's. It didn't look like it would ever end. I had no ability to move my chest wall to take a normal breath, due to a faulty spinal block injury during our son's cesaerean delivery. I remember crying out to the Lord throughout those exhausting hours of the days & nights of those years. I was all ears. He had a captive audience. I wanted to know anything I could do to move His heart to heal me. To make it end. I had a husband & 2 children I didn't cherish the idea of leaving behind. I felt entombed in my body, totally clautrophobic & on the brink of death. We lost our home. Kim lost his job taking care of me. I couldn't find one person who had gone through what I was facing. I just wanted to talk to one who had come out the other side to tell me how to hold on, & that I would get there to being well again. No one ever did. The Lord kept me sheltered in Him alone. He comforted me with songs He allowed me to hear & He helped me to record them. They were all about rays of hope in the midst of suffering. Letting the little or the alot be the portion that was enough for the moment. He began working into me a kind of endurance ~ a gratitude for the 'enough' of the moment. I know your illness is different than the one I endured, but I want you to know that I do understand what it is to lose your vitality, your very breath, your income, your home, even friends who had trouble bearing the sight of it all. He will never leave you, nor will He ever forsake you, nor can you or I imagine the scheming heart for your good, of the King who holds you in His hands. I pray for you in the night. He wakes me to be one of the many voices that rise to Him for your sake, beloved one. It's only an illusion that you would ever be alone. Sending you a big hug, & peace in Jesus' wonderful name.
ReplyDeleteJan
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. Your praying for me is very humbling. Keith
I thank all of you for the encouragement. I needed it. =)
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