Blessings

What a wonderful blessing Keith and I received this week. Mike and Shannon came by and put up a tv stand on the wall. Also fixed the blinds and put in a light bulb. I was working and came home to see it. Keith said they were very fast and Shannon even cooked for Keith. Thank you both.

Also, I want to thank Michael for coming by and leaving us some excellent "goodies."

Andy, it is always fun to share a cup of coffee with you after you have helped in our yard. Even if you can't work because of the rain. =)

Come by and visit. Remember, staying 20 minutes is OK. Like I said before, it is hard for Keith to concentrate after about an hour. He is still exercising and doing his speech. We are so thankful for texting as Keith is able to have many easier conversations with his family and friends that way. We still don't want to let him off the hook from talking however, because he needs to. Also, I want to hear his voice. Even garbled at times, we laugh at what I think I hear him saying. It can take me several times asking, "what?"

I know I said good news would follow and it has but new developments also happen. After testing a sample of Keith's hair, the results came back showing that he is very toxic with heavy metals. I will explain more as we learn more but for now it is like his body is stagnant. No good nutrients can get in the cells and the toxic stuff can't get out leaving him with no energy. He is one of the worst cases seen, but not impossible to treat. So, Keith starts a detox after we can get his body to even accept it.

Add to his heavy metals toxins, he was dx with gluten-intolerance and dairy allergies. Now begin new diets.

Sorry for this news but we do have hope. The Dr. we are working with is excellent and is willing to fight this MSA with us. She says the detox may take up to 2 years. She is challenged by his case and very honest.

Enough for now. Thanks for listening. And yes, I am putting a list together. Right now, I need my broom handle fixed. I was sweeping the grass after I mowed, and the broom went flying off. Makes it impossible to sweep.

Love to all of you,

Pam

A List

Don't want to, don't want to, don't want to. Should, should, should.

Just finished reading from a man who cared for his mom until she died about a year ago from MSA. He has stayed with the MSA support group to offer help when possible. He talked about a few things we should know or do. One of them was to not be afraid to ask for help. It sounds so easy and if I were in most of your shoes, I would say the same thing. Then why do I find it so difficult?

I want people to already know what is needed around here; that is, " the husband stuff." Fixing broken things, weed-eating, repairing the roof, changing light bulbs, carrying heavy items, raking, moving grandkid toys (and sometimes moving grandkids =), mowing (oh wait a minute, I do the mowing and enjoy it), etc.

I know it is not fair for you to have to try and guess my list and no, the things above are not specific, just examples =), but that is the best I can do now.

Still, I will consider making a list of things I need done but it is hard. I don't want to ask.

Just turned around from the computer to see Keith trying out the walker and then the cane. Not a fun sight.

I promise, good news to follow. Just had to get the list situation off my chest.

Love to all,

Pam

Heart

All of you have taught me so much. Especially about heart. I often struggle with what it means to feel so strongly with your heart. So many of you have shown me your heart that I thank you. It has helped. There's more about the heart, but I am still pondering.............................................

I was thinking that I just had to be stronger and simply re-define our marriage. It is what it is, now get on with it. But, while I was so sternly telling myself this, the words "For better, for worse, and in sickness and in health." came to me. There you have it. Marriage is not only the beginning part of our vows, but as Keith and I are finding out, they encompass so much more.

I am ready for this new fight! Bring it on! Of course, nothing can happen without the indwelling Holy Spirit working in me.

Thanks you all for your love and prayers.

Fun things have been happening too. Keith's parents visited for 12 days and were very fun to be with. They were troopers and must have played 100 games of Farkle!

Thank you Nikki for coming yesterday, bringing funny movies, and giving Keith a run for his money in Backgammon. I hear you won 2 out of 4 games. It's better that I do. =)

Ernie, thanks for bringing beautiful plants. Thank you Clint for pressure washing and mowing. We have great kids.

So, until later,

Pam

2 am in the morning

I cry because I have left the bed of a man I have slept with for over 30 years. He doesn't even know I'm gone. That is because of the MSA. His body becomes so heavy I can't get him to move or understand what I am saying most of the time. I had to leave because he was hitting me in the back. MSA can cause him to "act out" what he may be dreaming. Not that he is dreaming he is hitting me, but whatever it is, I am a close target! Too close! I couldn't get him to wake up to explain it to him, so I left and came to write. I know it may make sense to sleep elsewhere, but, " I DON'T WANT TO."

I write, not to evoke sympathy but because I am sad and scared. This disease is robbing the outward emotions from Keith that I so desire. He cares and wants to provide them but can't. I feel so selfish wanting wisdom from him. Wanting problem solving from him. Wanting strength from him. Wanting holding from him.

I can't make it funny anymore.

I'm not sure I should post this because I lack sleep but I know I will. "Why?" I don't know anymore. You all ask how Keith is and he is fighting for his life. The energy it takes to exercise and visit and get through the day is staggering but only those that see it daily would know. Of course, he isn't complaining, but I guess I am aren't I?

Keith just came out and saw me posting but only talked about our dog. That's not normal. Before the disease he would have said, "What's wrong, why are you up?" and we would have talked as long as necessary. It did turn out to be a blessing that our crying dog woke him up. I will tell you why. After he seemed to not care why I was up, I followed him back to the room and confronted him with the situation. (You've got to understand, we've had very few times where we haven't communicated and comforted on another in our marriage so this situation was big.) Anyway, he knew then that something was wrong. We talked and cried (ok, I cried ) He said as only Keith can, "Things are getting serious" and then said, "Don't give up on me." I said I would never give up on him, or on us. He then said some more serious and insightful things to me that I so needed to hear.

Thank you Lord. I think I can sleep now.

Visitors

Just had a great conversation with my sister, Cheri. Of course we're both enjoying the sun even though one of us had to work. =). She deserved a break as she works very hard. Can't wait until we get together again especially since her husband, Stan and she not only offer, but bring food with them and are willing to play Farkle with you know who!

We are excited about Keith's parents coming soon from Minnesota. They should arrive sometime Thursday. If you know anything about the Johnsons, they will be here exactly when they say. It is amazing.

I gotta go. Keith needs the computer so we can watch "Castle" , one of our favorite shows.

Until later,

Oh yea, Keith got an excellent report from his neurologist. Says Keith may outlive him.

Things are good

Sorry about the last downer post but I felt I needed to say it. It helps me.

I can say, however, I did have a wonderful time in California. The weather was about 85 to 95 degrees. At the pool by 8am, took breaks and back to the pool to finish our day. I got plenty of rest and only gained a couple of pounds that are back off already. Sure was some good food there, but it was rather hot so we didn't eat heavy.

I want to thank all of you who called or came and visited Keith. He looked very good when I came home. Well fed too. =)

Pam

It's time

It's time to begin educating about the disease MSA. It's not fun, it's not pretty, but I feel I can't keep what I know to myself because I need and will continue to need your support. If not physically, then in prayers and the hope all of you give Keith and I.

I began by posting a link (I think that's what I did ) on facebook about a couple with living with MSA. Please watch that if possible, difficult as it may be and has been for me.


I watched it about a year ago and only shared it with Keith yesterday. He was sad watching it as am I each time I do. Also if you type in Miracles for MSA on your facebook page you will see other families dealing with MSA. It's a beginning. If you are like me, I have to stay away from the page for the most part though I am constantly drawn to it.

I appreciate any information about MSA you gain.

Now on a lighter note. I told Keith about Clint's suggestion of what to watch that was humorous as was suggested by the wife in the video. So, we turned the channel to what we thought was the old funny sitcom shows. The first thing we heard was a man who had just been told he had cancer and was running through a senario in his mind about dying. We looked at each other and then back to the tv. The next picture we saw was of a woman who had fallen down and couldn't get up. We looked at each other and started laughing. Just what we needed, a commercial that addresses two of probable outcomes of MSA, falling and death. It was ironically funny, but we turned the channel. We are now taking suggestions as what to watch that is funny.

Enough hard stuff for now.

Thanks everyone for being in our lives. We love you. =)